binnnnn

okay... i din mean that it was all my fault.. both of us are at fault.. u noe and i noe.. i dun think that im the only one compromising.. i only said that im compromising u.. i noe u are compromising me too.. or else u wld have jux heck cared.. ya i noe eveyone makes mistakes.. i carn say that im perfect and din make any mistake.. okay u din say that u think u are right.. i was MY opinion that i tht u think u were right.. okay.. thats fine.. its my fault.. but u noe why do i think that way? cuz its like u jux continue with wad u did that i tht was wrong.. so i din noe that u knew that it was wrong.. this is common human reaction right.. so its both of our fault kaex? ya the both of us reacted vvv big for this matter.. cuz we both cared right.. and by the time i knew u wanted a response from me, i wanted to respond.. but i said b4, i wasn't given a chance by myself.. im not thinking that im always correct.. i noe perfectly that i started and blew up this matter.. its my fault.. im not thinkin wadever other way ... ya many of us have changed in attitude.. u changed i changed everyone changed.. okay now i see the problem.. its like i bu shuang with the things that u did cuz ur attitude changed and at first, u din realise it and no one tells u.. and u bu shuang with me with the things i did cuz my attitude changed at first, i din realise it and no one tells me abt it.. so the prob is that we 2 are havin the same bu shuang with each other and never told each other and i cldn't take it, so i started the cold war.. ya most of the things are of cuz MY opinions.. surely there is someone that can state the fact... cuz wad i sae is my opinion and wad u sae are ur opinions.. okay i noe that sayin sorry is like takes so much courage.. esp when u said it face to face.. but it was REALLY inapproriate.. i was like din noe how to react... its like we were not talkin to each other then u suddenly jux sry .. though i cld link to wad u meant after like laggin abit.. but it was like out of no where.. and u noe one thing.. i told u before.. its like u always keep sorry sorry sorry.. then sorry this word comes out of ur mouth so easily.. and ppl ard u have jux heard ur sorrys upteen times... its like even though this 2 srys are different.. but its like u give ppl the feelin that sry comes out of ur mouth vvv easily.. then its like when u sincerely meant sry, the prsn wldn't be able to feel it.. cuz its like u have already created a image that u say sry for loads of things.. things that are not ur fault, things like when ppl shld be sayin sry to u, but instead u said sry to that prsn.. i noe this 2 kind of srys are different.. but i have told u b4, there will be a time that when u really meant sincere apology it wun really make effect on that prsn cuz that prsn could have heard of that word coming out frm u so many times... kaex maybe im jux being too over here.. but i really do feel this way u noe.. i knew u told jie ting abt it.. i cld see.. or else i wldn't have been so sure that u din tell huiling only... yeah i was the one who started to reveal this on my blog but i din sae wad happened and din mention ur name.. its like ppl who read the post le also dunno who u are.. but u replied at ur own blog.. then making ppl noe who u are.. i noe u din ask or do anything to make ppl believe u, but the fact is that ppl's first instinct will choose to believe u first.. cuz u are usually so good and so everything .. so it carn be u who is responsible for all the mess.. this is MY opinion ... and I DID NOT reveal anything that happened in my post.. i only revealed my own opinions and my feelings.. i din say like wad things happened and I DIN MENTION UR NAME.. so ppl dun noe its u and they carn think that wadever i said is ur fault.. and i din mean to post my feelings then make ppl think that its ur fault.. i jux needed to let my feelings out.. u noe it doesn't feel good to supress things in urself.. its terrible.. if i dun let my feelings out i will explode.. its like u have ur family members to talk to .. i dun.. at least u n ur father are on good terms.. wad abt me.. all my mum does everyday is to scold me.. then my sis whenever she talks to me she will argue with me.. there is jux communication problem btw me n her.. and i dun have a father to talk to can.. u have.. its like u will never know the feelin of being fatherless.. its not for a short period of time u noe.. it has been 14 yrs already.. though when ppl ask abt my father and i say he has already passed away.. then i dun look sad but its like whenever i think that ppl have their father to talk to them, to sort of protect them, i feel terrible.. i do cry when i think of being fatherless.. u will never be able to know the feelings of having only a parent.. then worse still my mum is too busy and tired and everything to care abt me.. and i also DUN want her to care abt me.. cuz she wun understand and she will jux go scolding me.. u THINK i have never considered abt ur feelings.. i have already said that i wanted to he hao after that time u wrote that letter.. but it jux happened that i saw things that made me pissed off.. its not that i never considered ur feelings.. of cuz i noe u have feelings.. i noe u treasure this frenship, i noe u very zai yi.. i noe.. and i carn and i din give u high hopes cuz im practically pissed off with you... so i need time to cool down b4 i can even like talk things out with u and save this situation.. okay im inefficient.. i noe its stupid to say that im unwilling to face this and i want to drag it till after march holidays.. but i wanted to cool.. but now that im feelin loads beta after bloggin out my feelings only, i shld be facing the music now.. yesh it was nearly like no meaning when u apologised that time.. i knew u took alot of courage to say it that time.. i saw that u were pondering over how u shld start.. but u jux said sry, then din say for wad.. u think if u were the one who started the cold war then i out of no where said nth else xcept for sry, dun even like explain or wadever , u think u will be totally fine over it and accept it ? i dunno , perhaps u wld.. but im very particular over like when u apologise for serious matters, u do it in the manner that ppl will understand and think over it.. okay i noe this is stupid.. but my thinkin is like that.. if u wanna do smth, do it properly.. if u anyhow do, no matter how sincere u meant to be, it wld not be.. thats wad i think.. im not stating a fact.. u are sry for wad u did and im also sry for wad i did.. i do hope to clear it with u soon enough.. i also dun like the feelin of not seeing u when i saw.. and all i have to say that though i started this cold war, but we 2 had our faults.. i also want to know wad wrongs i did.. cuz huiling told u abt ur wrongs but u din tell me.. okay its not ur fault cuz i din give u a chance.. so its my fault... sorry kaex? and one last thing, i dun mean to ask for anyone's pity or make anyone feel that its ur fault for everything or anything.. i only wanted to voice out my own opinions..